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May 1

As is the custom with Antarctic youth, I spent much of my childhood assigned to guard-duty every other night at the penguin defense watchtower situatedatop the northern gate of my village. The watchtower wasa sort of landlocked crow's nest that provided first warning against an impending penguin attack. Though the long, exhausting nocturnal hours were punctuated only byhowling Antarctic wind, litsputteringly by asemi-circle of whale-oil lamps, and soured always by the possibility of a hoard of fanged penguins in their characteristic spiked hatsleaping over the walls and razing our village to the ground,I could always depend on myguard-shift culminating with a lovingly prepared chunk of spiced glacier awaiting my arrival home, courtesy of Mother. "Bljoorg t'gzlaaar, m! sqaat-ogo-ogo," she would say in Antarctican as she placed the spiced glacier before me. I shall never forget this as long as I live.

And although I spend my days in my 89th floor penthouse office, often wrapped in a palatypus-fur coatand wallowing luxuriously in my absinthe-filled jacuzzi, I've never forgotten my humble origins. This is why my many important clients notice two unusual items ornamenting the upper-right corner of my desk: 1) a functioning automatous Digesting Penguin from the 18th century (similar, of course, to de Vaucanson's original Digesting Duck) and 2) a velvet portrait of Mother, a sort of tribute to the velvet renderings of Elvis she so adored.

Nothing says "Happy Mother's Day!" like an automatous duck or penguin!



Anyway, the point I'm labouring towards is this: you should get your mother something nice for Mother's Day (which is Sunday, May 13th, if you're wondering). And could anything be better than the gift of sight? Since the answer is no, it's lucky that the Yonge Eglinton Laser Centre in Toronto, Ontario (helmed by Dr. David Rootman and his sundry corneal specialists) is offering just that at the upcoming Mother's Day Weekend Sidewalk Sale held in our neck of the woods on Saturday, May 12th between 10:00am and 5:00pm.

We're offering the following promotion: book a complimentary laser vision assessment and bring a friend or family member, and both of you will save $250 off laser eye surgery. Plus,receive a free 1-hour Organic Facial with the purchase of any Eminence Organic product.

Wow! $250 dollars off laser eye surgery! A free 1-hour Organic Facial! Clearly, your mother's eyes and skin will somehow yelp with simultaneous gleeshould you arrange/purchase these things for her. And you really should, these arepretty fantastic deals.

And that's not all! There are all sorts of vendors participating in the Mother's Day Weekend Sidewalk Sale, and they're offering a whole host of sales, promotions, and tastings. Why not take a look here to find out more?

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